Simcha

03/18/2022

Yesterday, Taanit Esther, I was thinking how strange it felt to have music and dance on a fast day; Purim is the holiday of upside down, I’m not really sure as to why I was surprised about that. Actually that encapsulates how I have been feeling lately; a little unnerved and not comfortable. It’s like all of the things that I have always counted on to sustain me are off kilter. When watching or reading the news, I wonder why I even turn it on? Yet, it’s not like you can avoid it, world and local news is pervasive. When you are on your phone, there is always this scroll that catches your eye and interrupts your concentration, no matter what app or conversation you may be in; it reminds you that all is crazy in the world. I don’t need reminding. For a long time it was Covid, that’s not over but has somehow, thankfully, become more like background noise. In the forefront the news has bolted to war. And just like we could hardly avoid the virus, is it even possible to shut our eyes and ears to the horrors of the bombing and fighting? I can’t, and it all makes me so sad. Telling myself that the war will not last and peace will soon come does not erase the images of terror, broken building and lives. These are real people who are losing everything they counted on and worked so hard to achieve; BOOM and it’s over. Does raising money and sending care packages even make a dent? Is there something more that I should be doing to stop the noise and pain? Still thinking about it, I have no answers. This week at school, I had an “aha” moment that may resonate with all of you. I really don’t like getting abused, yelled at and told off by anyone and much more so, by a parent. And even though I have been doing this for over 55 years, yeah that’s a real number, I let it get under my skin and it unnerves me. This week thinking and now writing about it, has not helped me understand why I expose myself to the painful words of people who I know do not warrant my time or respect.Like the silly rabbit who keeps going around in circles,never moving forward or making any progress, I keep trying to make that dent or difference. Nope, does not change. “Doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different outcome”, is the definition of insanity. Just saying. Rabbi H, MW and I worked with a frustrated young teacher for a few hours after school this week; he seems to be caught in the same rabbit hole that I am in with a student. I felt so bad that the best that I could say to help him was that I too had been there, that I struggled with the same frustrations. In the end all I could offer was to tell him to just give in, it’s not worth his distress and time anymore. I don’t know if this advice helped the teacher, it’s hard to tell a person who wants to maintain his integrity and cares so much about the craft and the students, that it’s not all “chocolates and roses” (Rabbi Sadigh). This new young teacher has what it takes to become a great one! He is reflective and open to advice and guidance. It is up to us to make sure that we keep him in the profession. No, it is not all chocolate and roses; paying a shiva call to parents trying to find a reason why their beautiful boy has left them, left me empty. Hearing the mother recall his 609 antics then thanking us for putting up with him while trying to help and guide him, left me breathless. May his neshama have an alyah. We did get chocolates (shalach manot, thank you PTA) and roses this week; Rabbi B uncovered a “hidden spark” in his fifth grade class; a poet and an artist whose poetry brought me to my knees through its depiction of what it feels like to be a fifth grade girl. LG will be creating a book to share with the public that is based on her poetry and art. The incredulous happy look on this child’s face and her ear to ear toothy maskless smile when we told her, gave everyone in the room a reset to joy. Let’s talk about the HANC film? From that first glimpse of Rabbi H’s sneakers to the rampage in my office, to the uncoordinated coordinated dancers, to the flash mob in the yard, it is brilliant!!!!!! Does it get any better than that? Not for me. On this Purim day, I plan to scrub off the feelings of inadequacy and get into my familiar costume of self confidence and hope for healthy children, end to war, still making a difference after all these years and enjoying what I do. I have made no secret of my timetable and I will not let those who try to block my sunshine and try to take away my “chocolates and roses” on this leg of my journey. It is not theirs to take! As I write this, the beautiful voice of my grandson Judah practicing the megilah, who we have the joy of hosting weekends while he is at YU, drifts up the stairs. He will be reading it soon to the recalcitrant (lazy) ladies in my circle of love. It’s become a nice tradition. Today my great granddaughter Dalia Leah, named for my mom, gave me shalach manot and a hug; two hugs, a first for her. These kinds of precious moments are better than roses and more delicious than chocolates! I will continue my efforts to lead by example. I will find strength and perspective from working with an amazing group of supportive and loving colleagues who help me every single day. I will continue to do what I love b’simcha. We must all do our best to capture the good in our lives and savor them. Wishing you a חג שמח and a wonderful day of eating and celebrating. ReplyForward