Friday reflection

05/20/2022

Experience has taught me that when there are two Adars, Pesach is therefore “late” (see George Carlin) and we have to scramble to get it all done before the end of June. Here we are in the heat of the race to the finish line and we are all breathing hard! Will there be enough time to finish all that we have to accomplish? Somehow, it all gets done, whatever it takes. Monday, Bob and I got to enjoy the pleasure of our grandson Jakob’s graduation from graduate school. We partnered with our beloved friends and machatanim, our daughter in law Tamar’s parents, Malkie and Zane, and drove the long ride into the city together. Being in close proximity with anyone in a car has not been something we have done since we were in the “Days of Covid”. It took us longer than I remembered to get to the Upper Westside, home to Columbia; we had not been there since our daughter Meredith graduated over 25 years ago. The school sits regally high atop a hill which demanded going up flights and flights of stairs deep in the bowels of Morningside Park which seemed not so far from our parking spot. When we got to the top, we had no idea if we should turn left or right to get to the venue but realized we could follow the blue gowns and mortarboards. When we finally got to the entrance, there was a long, long line of family and friends of the hundreds and hundreds of waiting to be seated. Who said Columbia was so hard to get into? As we walked along the line, we spotted our son and daughter in law standing in the middle. We quickly joined them and thereby disregarded the nasty looks of the people standing behind them. Who has not ever done that? Somehow along the way, we lost Zane. Where was he? We soon found out;he was busy procuring a wheelchair for me and my “bum knee”. I was not sure why as I felt perfectly fine, maybe a little limpy, but just fine nonetheless. Zane determined that all of those steps coupled with the uphill walk, demanded the support of a wheelchair ride. Proudly and confidently, he presented me with the wheelchair accompanied by a very large, handsome, articulate and nice football player driver; the athletes were tasked with helping the infirm. It is a big leap of mindset for anyone to accept a wheelchair ride and I refused to be that old lady. Despite my vehement protests, I really did not want to go into that chair. I quickly realized that all my vigorous protests were focusing a lot of negative attention and my son’s fury our way. Into that dreaded wheelchair I went escorted by some family members who would now be entitled to priority seating because of my “sacrifice”. I cannot lie, it felt good to sit down and zoom to the front of the line. We all got a special wheelchair decal slapped on our lapels and were seated in the priority section. There is so much more to this story but it’s not where I’m going. What was really going on in my head here? This experience highlighted that I, maybe all of us, have been living in a very closed to new experiences existence for the past two Covid years. When was the last time you were in the city? Have you been to any live graduations lately? Do you remember standing in a long line with strangers? How long has it been since you thought about the disparaging looks or comments of others? While I was busy in my headspace grappling with my knee issues and unwillingness to show weakness, all the ‘strangers to me people’ on the long boring line were very interested in how this would all play out. I cannot say that I was oblivious to the drama surrounding our getting more heated every minute discussion but in an effort to just shut it down, I gave up and just sat down! When I asked my son why he did not join our family group moving to the front of the line, he explained in a very tight voice,” We are on line wearing kippot and we are publicly flaunting and disregarding the accepted ‘wait your turn’ protocols’?” Unfortunately, we live in times where we have to be extra careful about how our community behaves. Everyone is quick to criticize the behavior of others and especially us; do we need to add to the worldwide perception of being privileged? So many of us have bemoaned the gaps in the social behaviors of our students. We throw up our hands as they push onto lines, break down in tears of frustration and anger, resort to fisticuffs over a lost point in a game and say mean things to each other virtually and in person. How many grown ups are acting in some of the same ways? These are tough transitional times; we struggle to find normalcy and comfort in our old lives during changed times. My thinking is that we have to find new ways to interact and behave as we figure out our own needs and concerns. We have to open our world view lenses and accept that when we were shuttered on our couches waiting for better, there was a shift in societal norms. We got used to wearing our comfort clothing not realizing that we not only lost the constraints of wearing buttons and belts, we also lost those of appropriate language and acceptable social interactions. Now that the sun is starting to shine, the weather warming and we are able to welcome people into our homes and schools, we must model for our students the way we talk, the way we act and the way we accept this new road that we are taking together. Sometimes I miss the days where I got up, put on a pair of sweats and went to school in front of a screen. I must quickly check myself, because I love being around people and I don’t want to say or do anything that will jeopardize the wonderful relationships I have forged over time. Wishing you a good shabbos; take a walk with a friend. Join us at the parade. It's Sunday and it’s supposed to be sunny and warm. ReplyForward